In loving memory…

Never have I experienced losing someone close to me, not until 19 days ago when my Lolo Mading left the mortal world to be with the Father in heaven.

It was painful for us because for two years he lived with us and we took care of him like a baby and in those two weeks that he was taken away from us we didn’t know what happened to him. Two weeks before he passed away, his doctor declared he was well enough and by looking at Lolo and talking to him, we know the doctor could not possibly be wrong and that is why his death came as a surprise to us.

I feel sad that I did not get the chance to be there for him when he breathe his last. I guess this is not only the product of manipulation by some people with ulterior motives. Maybe this is also how God wanted it to be just like everything is as how they should be.

—–o—–

No words can capture the hurt, anger and sadness that I still feel sometimes. Even though I did not attend your funeral, God knows how I cried my hurts and anger before solemnly grieving. I have never believed in ghosts but for once I wanted to believe in hoping that you would appear in such form so I can talk to you and ask you all these questions in my heart.

That day I dreamt of you telling me that you’re okay, only then I began to have some peace of mind. Day by day in prayer I began to accept the things God allowed to happen even though I really do not understand. The only thought that comforts me is that you already found peace in heaven.

But I still miss you Lolo… 😦

I miss our sweet wonderful chitchats whenever I come home from work.

I miss holding your hand whenever we’re in the car…

I miss all your ‘blast from the past’ stories, back from your younger days as a ladies’ man and as a corporal in World War II.

I miss your child-like stubborness.

I miss the funny way you would bob your head or tap your hands and feet whenever you listen to the RnB music in my iPod or mom’s FM headset.

I miss eating ice cream with you, our favorite dessert.

I miss the times I would ask you to include me in your prayers.

I miss saying goodnight to you.

I miss watching you play with kids.

I miss hearing you say how much you want to go the beach to swim.

I miss how you would smile to my camera, when I ask you to.

I miss everything about you Lolo, even your tantrums and grouchy moments.

Thank you for all these memories.

I will hold on to these until I see you again…

in Heaven.

I love you Lolo.. forever and always.